Learning Things I Thought I Knew: Parenting Is a Blessing

Things I've always believed, but now I truly know now that I have the experience to back it up.

I was speaking to a group of elementary and middle school aged children and I mentioned that parents learn things from their children all the time. Some of them were surprised to hear this.

I think most adults have heard that children are a blessing. I believe some still believe this, despite living in a world where children are often viewed as too time consuming, inconvenient and parasitic. I believed that children are a blessing before I was even a mom. After becoming a mom, I believed it even more because I felt blessed to have the experience of carrying, birthing and caring for such beautiful little people.

But over the years, I've truly come to KNOW what it means for a child to be a blessing and today I'm going to share some of that insight with you.

#1 - Love

At first glance this one seems a little selfish. Children are a blessing, because LOVE. Really??

Yes, really. But not love in the way that the world knows it. Love in the way that the bible describes it.

"Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant." – 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NASB2020)

When I became a mother, I loved my children even though they offered me nothing in return. I gave, gave and gave, never expecting that they would pay me back. I had to (and still do) pray for patience to teach them things. I've had to be intentional about mirroring kindness to them. I've had to lay down pride and jealousy in exchange for contentment and joy so I could show up as my best for them. I've also had to teach them, by example, to do the same.

#2 - Self denial

For some, love may seem like a given. But for me, I have to do a lot of dying to self to walk that out every day. I don't always hit the mark, but I desire to put my children before myself. After God and my marriage, my children are my top priority. God gave them to me and everything in my life belongs to Him and my marriage is like an umbrella of protection to my children when both my husband and I keep God as our foundation.

I'm still human and the older my children get the more they have desires and needs that, if I'm honest, don't always fit into what I want. While I think it is important to take care of myself, it's not always about me. Of course you have to use wisdom here. I'm not suggesting that you give your child everything they want, but being a mom has helped me to exercise putting others before myself.

#3 - Discipline

This one is fresh! I've been trying to teach my oldest child to be responsible and a good steward of his time since he was old enough to sing the clean up song and pick up toys after himself. He is very responsible and mature! Lately, however, the time between waking up and being ready to start school has been getting longer and longer. On days that we have to be somewhere early, he's up and ready before anyone else, but on school days, it's taken up to two hours. I've tried incentives, timers, and other ways to teach him to get ready in a timely manner. Finally, it hit me. I do the SAMETHING! If we have an appointment or somewhere to be I'm suddenly a morning person. Otherwise, I take my time getting ready in the morning, to the point of dragging sometimes.

We have flexibility with our mornings, but my goal is to teach him to start and finish something in a given time frame, yet more often than not, my mornings lack structure. I can't lead by example if I'm lacking the discipline to get up and get going myself. I was thankful when God revealed my double standard to me. I confessed it to my son and now it is something that we are both working on. I think that, naturally, I will be more mindful to practice what I preach moving forward.

#4 - Accountability

When children hear, they believe and trust. When something comes along and contradicts what they've been taught, they will let you know, and often they will want to know why?

One day I decided to pick up donuts before going to meet friends. Since it was a last minute decision, I was rushing a little. My son asked me why I was rushing and I told him, "I want to try to pick up the donuts and still make it on time". He responded, "Mommy, do you remember what you and papa always tell me? Slow is fast and fast is slow. Rushing won't get you there faster, it might actually slow you down". I laughed. He was right. Something we have told him many times, was stored away in his little mind and in an effort to genuinely help mommy to relax, he blessed me with accountability.

I also find that having to explain big and complex ideas to a young child can be a source of accountability. Once something is explained to them and they understand it, they tend to have this "that's simple enough" perspective about it. They don't waste time being anxious or doubtful about anything. It reminds me of when Jesus said:

“Truly I say to you, unless you change and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven". -Matthew 18:3 (NASB2020)

I see the way my children cling to our every word and it reminds me to cling to my Father's Word.

#5 - Good fruit

No human parent is parenting flawlessly. But if we are faithful to start over each day with the intention of training our children up, using the Word of God as our standard and being obedient to His Holy Spirit, then He promises that when they are older, they will not part from it (Proverbs 22:6). The joy of a parent (who is surrendered to the Lord) is to see their children become Kingdom minded and Holy Spirit led. This is part of Gods will for them.

My children are still young, but as a new mom, I wanted to raise intelligent, kind, healthy, happy, successful and responsible children. I'm not opposed to all those things, but they are not the fruit I'm looking for in my children now. Being their mom and desiring Gods will for them required me to seek it out, which brought me closer to God and corrected my focus for my own life. That alone is a blessing!

If we seek to be led by God in our parenting, He will allow us to be refined for His glory as we obediently lead our children.

If you feel that you have not always shown up your best as a parent, then confess that to God and sincerely repent. Thank Him for your children. Thank Him for being a good Father to you and your children. And ask Him to give you wisdom and discernment to love, protect and train them according to His will, that He may be glorified in their lives, and your life as well!

Be encouraged!

-Nay